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  This book is for Kai.

  (Everything that matters is.)

  Contents

  Cover

  Dedication

  Title Page

  Tuesday December 17, 2013

  Chapter 1

  Wednesday December 18, 2013

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Thursday December 19, 2013

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Friday December 20, 2013

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Saturday December 21, 2013

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Sunday December 22, 2013

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Monday December 23, 2013

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Tuesday Christmas Eve, 2013

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Wednesday Christmas Day, 2013

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Before

  After

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Also By Rainbow Rowell

  Copyright

  TUESDAY

  DECEMBER 17, 2013

  CHAPTER 1

  Georgie pulled into the driveway, swerving to miss a bike.

  Neal never made Alice put it away.

  Apparently bicycles never got stolen back in Nebraska—and people never tried to break in to your house. Neal didn’t even lock the front door most nights until after Georgie came home, though she’d told him that was like putting a sign in the yard that said PLEASE ROB US AT GUNPOINT. “No,” he’d said. “That would be different, I think.”

  She hauled the bike up onto the porch and opened the (unlocked) door.

  The lights were off in the living room, but the TV was still on. Alice had fallen asleep on the couch watching Pink Panther cartoons. Georgie went to turn it off and stumbled over a bowl of milk sitting on the floor. There was a stack of laundry folded on the coffee table—she grabbed whatever was on the top to wipe it up.

  When Neal stepped into the archway between the living room and the dining room, Georgie was crouched on the floor, sopping up milk with a pair of her own underwear.

  “Sorry,” he said. “Alice wanted to put milk out for Noomi.”

  “It’s okay, I wasn’t paying attention.” Georgie stood up, wadding the wet underwear in her fist. She nodded at Alice. “Is she feeling okay?”

  Neal reached out and took the underwear, then picked up the bowl. “She’s fine. I told her she could wait up for you. It was this whole negotiation over eating her kale and not using the word ‘literally’ anymore because it’s literally driving me crazy.” He looked back at Georgie on his way to the kitchen. “You hungry?”

  “Yeah,” she said, following him.

  Neal was in a good mood tonight. Usually when Georgie got home this late . . . Well, usually when Georgie got home this late, he wasn’t.

  She sat at the breakfast bar, clearing a space for her elbows among the bills and library books and second-grade worksheets.

  Neal walked to the stove and turned on a burner. He was wearing pajama pants and a white T-shirt, and he looked like he’d just gotten a haircut—probably for their trip. If Georgie touched the back of his head now, it’d feel like velvet one way and needles the other.

  “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to pack,” he said. “But I washed everything in your hamper. Don’t forget that’s it’s cold there—you always forget that it’s cold.”

  She always ended up stealing Neal’s sweaters.

  He was in such a good mood tonight. . . .

  He smiled as he made up her plate. Stir-fry. Salmon. Kale. Other green things. He crushed a handful of cashews in his fist and sprinkled them on top, then set the plate in front of her.

  When Neal smiled, he had dimples like parentheses—stubbly parentheses. Georgie wanted to pull him over the breakfast bar and nose at his cheeks. (That was her standard response to Neal smiling.) (Though Neal probably wouldn’t know that.)

  “I think I washed all your jeans . . . ,” he said, pouring her a glass of wine.

  Georgie took a deep breath. She just had to get this over with. “I got good news today.”

  He leaned back against the counter and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. So . . . Maher Jafari wants our show.”

  “What’s a Maher Jafari?”

  “He’s the network guy we’ve been talking to. The one who green-lit The Lobby and that new reality show about tobacco farmers.”

  “Right.” Neal nodded. “The network guy. I thought he was giving you the cold shoulder.”

  “We thought he was giving us the cold shoulder,” Georgie said. “Apparently he just has cold shoulders.”

  “Huh. Wow. That is good news. So—” He cocked his head to the side. “—why don’t you seem happy?”

  “I’m thrilled,” Georgie said. Shrilly. God. She was probably sweating. “He wants a pilot, scripts. We’ve got a big meeting to talk casting. . . .”

  “That’s great,” Neal said, waiting. He knew she was burying the lead.

  Georgie closed her eyes. “. . . on the twenty-seventh.”

  The kitchen was quiet. She opened them. Ah, there was the Neal she knew and loved. (Truly. On both counts.) The folded arms, the narrowed eyes, the knots of muscle in both corners of his jaw.

  “We’re going to be in Omaha on the twenty-seventh,” he said.

  “I know,” she said. “Neal, I know.”

  “So? Are you planning to fly back to L.A. early?”

  “No, I . . . we have to get the scripts ready before then. Seth thought—”

  “Seth.”

  “All we’ve got done is the pilot,” Georgie said. “We’ve got nine days to write four episodes and get ready for the meeting—it’s really lucky that we have some time off from Jeff’d Up this week.”

  “You have time off because it’s Christmas.”

  “I know that it’s Christmas, Neal—I’m not skipping Christmas.”

  “You’re not?”

  “No. Just skipping . . . Omaha. I thought we could all skip Omaha.”

  “We already have plane tickets.”

  “Neal. It’s a pilot. A deal. With our dream network.”

  Georgie felt like she was reading from a script. She’d already had this entire conversation, almost verbatim, this afternoon with Seth. . . .

  “It’s Christmas,” she’d argued. They were in their office, and Seth was sitting on Georgie’s side of the big L-shaped desk they shared. He’d had her cornered.

  “Come on, Georgie, we’ll still have Christmas—we’ll have the best Christmas ever after the meeting.”

  “Tell that to my kids.”

  “I will. Your kids love me.”

  “Seth, it’s Christmas. Can’t this meeting wait?”

  “We’ve already been waiting our whole career. This is happening, Georgie. Now. It’s finally happening.”

  Seth wouldn’t stop saying her name.

  Neal’s nostrils were flaring.

  “My mom’s expecting us,” he said.

  “I know,” Georgie whispered.

  “And the kids . . . Alice sent Santa Claus a change-of-addre
ss card, so he’d know she’d be in Omaha.”

  Georgie tried to smile. It was a weak effort. “I think he’ll figure it out.”

  “That’s not—” Neal shoved the corkscrew in a drawer, then slammed it shut. His voice dropped. “That’s not the point.”

  “I know.” She leaned over her plate. “But we can go see your mom next month.”

  “And take Alice out of school?”

  “If we have to.”

  Neal had both hands on the counter, clenching the muscles in his forearms. Like he was retroactively bracing himself for bad news. His head was hanging down, and his hair fell away from his forehead.

  “This might be our shot,” Georgie said. “Our own show.”

  Neal nodded without lifting his head. “Right,” he said. His voice was soft and flat.

  Georgie waited.

  Sometimes she lost her place when she was arguing with Neal. The argument would shift into something else—into somewhere more dangerous—and Georgie wouldn’t even realize it. Sometimes Neal would end the conversation or abandon it while she was still making her point, and she’d just go on arguing long after he’d checked out.

  Georgie wasn’t sure whether this even qualified as an argument. Yet.

  So she waited.

  Neal hung his head.

  “What does ‘right’ mean?” she finally asked.

  He pushed off the counter, all bare arms and square shoulders. “It means that you’re right. Obviously.” He started clearing the stove. “You have to go to this meeting. It’s important.”

  He said it almost lightly. Maybe everything was going to be fine, after all. Maybe he’d even be excited for her. Eventually.

  “So,” she said, testing the air between them. “We’ll see about visiting your mom next month?”

  Neal opened the dishwasher and started gathering up dishes. “No.”

  Georgie pressed her lips together and bit them. “You don’t want to take Alice out of school?”

  He shook his head.

  She watched him load the dishwasher. “This summer, then?”

  His head jerked slightly, like something had brushed his ear. Neal had lovely ears. A little too big, and they poked out at the top like wings. Georgie liked to hold his head by his ears. When he’d let her.

  She could imagine his head in her hands now. Could feel her thumbs stroking the tops of his ears, her knuckles brushing against his clippered hair.

  “No,” he said again, standing up straight and wiping his palms on his pajama pants. “We’ve already got plane tickets.”

  “Neal, I’m serious. I can’t miss this meeting.”

  “I know,” he said, turning toward her. His jaw was set. Permanently.

  Back in college, Neal had thought about joining the military; he would have been really good at the part where you have to deliver terrible news or execute a heartbreaking order without betraying how much it was costing you. Neal’s face could fly the Enola Gay.

  “I don’t understand,” Georgie said.

  “You can’t miss this meeting,” he said. “And we already have plane tickets. You’ll be working all week anyway. So you stay here, focus on your show—and we’ll go see my mom.”

  “But it’s Christmas. The kids—”

  “They can have Christmas again with you when we get back. They’ll love that. Two Christmases.”

  Georgie wasn’t sure how to react. Maybe if Neal had been smiling when he said that last thing . . .

  He motioned at her plate. “Do you want me to heat that back up for you?”

  “It’s fine,” she said.

  He nodded his head, minimally, then brushed past her, leaning over just enough to touch his lips to her cheek. Then he was in the living room, lifting Alice up off the couch. Georgie could hear him shushing her—“It’s okay, sweetie, I’ve got you”—and climbing the stairs.

  WEDNESDAY

  DECEMBER 18, 2013

  CHAPTER 2

  Georgie’s phone was dead.

  It was always dead unless it was plugged in—she probably needed a new battery, but she kept forgetting to deal with it.

  She set her coffee down at her desk, then plugged the phone into her laptop, shaking it, like a Polaroid picture, while she waited for it to wake up.

  A grape flew between her nose and the screen.

  “So?” Seth asked.

  Georgie lifted her head, looking at him properly for the first time since she got to work. He was wearing a pink oxford with a green knit vest, and his hair was especially swoopy today. Seth looked like a handsome Kennedy cousin. Like one who didn’t inherit the teeth.

  “So what?” she said.

  “So, how’d it go?”

  He meant with Neal. But he wouldn’t say “with Neal”—because that’s how they all got by. There were rules.

  Georgie looked back down at her phone. No missed calls. “Fine.”

  “I told you it’d be fine.”

  “Well, you were right.”

  “I’m always right,” Seth said.

  Georgie could hear him sitting back in his chair. She could picture him, too—long legs kicked up, resting on the edge of their shared desk.

  “You are very occasionally, eventually, partially right,” she said, still fiddling with her phone.

  Neal and the girls were probably already on their second flight by now. They’d had a short layover in Denver. Georgie thought about sending them a text—love you guys—and imagined it landing in Omaha before they did.

  But Neal never sent text messages, so he never checked them; it was like texting a void.

  She put down the phone and pushed her glasses into her hair, trying to focus on her computer. She had a dozen new e-mails, all from Jeff German, the comedian who was the star of their show.

  Georgie would not miss Jeff German if this new deal went through. She wouldn’t miss his e-mails. Or his red ball cap. Or the way he made her rewrite entire episodes of Jeff’d Up if he thought the actors who played his TV family were getting too many laughs.

  “I can’t take this.” The door swung open, and Scotty slunk in. There was just enough room in Seth and Georgie’s office for one other chair—an uncomfortable hammocky thing from IKEA. Scotty fell onto it sideways, holding his head. “I can’t. I’m terrible with secrets.”

  “Good morning,” Georgie said.

  Scotty peeked through his fingers. “Hey, Georgie. The girl out front said to tell you that your mom’s on the phone. Line two.”

  “Her name is Pamela.”

  “Okay. My mom’s name is Dixie.”

  “No, the new PA, her name . . .” Georgie shook her head and reached for the black desk phone that sat between her and Seth. “This is Georgie.”

  Her mom sighed. “I’ve been on hold so long, I thought that girl forgot about me.”

  “Nope. What’s up?”

  “I just called to see how you were doing.” Her mom sounded concerned. (Her mom liked to sound concerned.)

  “I’m fine,” Georgie said.

  “Well . . .” Another sigh. A fortified sigh. “I talked to Neal this morning.”

  “How’d you manage that?”

  “I set my alarm. I knew you guys were leaving early—I wanted to say good-bye.”

  Her mom always made a big deal about plane trips. And minor surgery. And sometimes just getting off the phone. “You never know when it’s going to be the last time you see somebody, and you don’t want to miss your chance to say good-bye.”

  Georgie propped the phone between her ear and shoulder, so she could type. “That was nice of you. Did you get to talk to the girls?”

  “I talked to Neal,” her mom said again. For emphasis. “He told me you guys are spending some time apart.”

  “Mom,” Georgie said, bringing her hand back to the receiver. “Only the week.”

  “He said you were splitting up for Christmas.”

  “Not like that—why’re you making it sound like that? Something just came up for me
at work.”

  “You’ve never had to work on Christmas before.”

  “I don’t have to work on Christmas. I have to work around Christmas. It’s complicated.” Georgie resisted checking to see if Seth was listening. “It was my decision.”

  “You decided to be alone on Christmas.”

  “I won’t be alone. I’ll be with you.”

  “But, honey, we’re spending the day with Kendrick’s family—I told you that—and your sister’s going to her dad’s. I mean, you’re welcome to come to San Diego with us. . . .”

  “Never mind, I’ll figure it out.” Georgie glanced around the room. Seth was throwing grapes in the air and catching them in his mouth. Scotty was sprawled out miserably, like he had menstrual cramps. “I have to get back to work.”

  “Well, come over tonight,” her mom said. “I’ll make dinner.”

  “I’m fine, Mom, really.”

  “Come over, Georgie. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

  “There’s no ‘right now,’ Mom. I’m fine.”

  “It’s Christmas.”

  “Not yet.”

  “I’ll make dinner—come.” She hung up before Georgie could argue any more.

  Georgie sighed and rubbed her eyes. Her eyelids felt greasy. Her hands smelled like coffee.

  “I can’t do this,” Scotty moaned. “Everyone can tell I have a secret.”

  Seth glanced up at the door—it was closed. “So? As long as they don’t know what the secret is . . .”

  “I don’t like it,” Scotty said. “I feel like such a traitor. I’m Lando on Cloud City. I’m that guy who kissed Jesus.”

  Georgie wondered if any of the other writers actually did suspect something. Probably not. Georgie and Seth’s contract was up soon, but everybody assumed they were staying. Why would they leave Jeff’d Up after finally dragging it into the top ten?

  If they stayed, they’d get raises. Giant, life-changing raises. The sort of money that made Seth’s eyeballs pop out like Scrooge McDuck whenever he talked about it.

  But if they left . . .

  They’d only leave Jeff’d Up now for one reason. To start their own show. The show Georgie and Seth had been dreaming about practically since they met—they’d written the first draft of the pilot together when they were still in college. Their own show, their own characters. No more Jeff German. No more catchphrases. No more laugh track.