Carry On Read online

  Sometimes I dream that I still have it. I dream about going off, and I wake up, panting, not sure if it’s true.

  But there’s never smoke. My breath doesn’t burn, my skin doesn’t shimmer. I don’t feel like there’s a star going nova in my chest.

  There’s just sweat and panic and my heart racing ahead of me—and my doctor in Chicago says that’s all normal for someone like me.

  “A fallen supervillain?” I’ll say.

  And she’ll smile, from a professional distance. “A trauma victim.”

  I don’t feel like a trauma victim. I feel like a house after a fire. And sometimes like someone who died but stayed in his body. And sometimes I feel like someone else died, like someone else sacrificed everything, so that I can have a normal life.

  With wings.

  And a tail.

  And vampires.

  And magicians.

  And a boy in my arms, instead of a girl.

  And a happy ending—even if it isn’t the ending I ever would have dreamt for myself, or hoped for.

  A chance.

  “What time is it?” Penny asks. “Is it too early for tea? There’re biscuits in one of these boxes. I could magic them up for us.”

  Baz looks up from his phone. “The Chosen One’s making us tea the Normal way,” he says. “It’s occupational therapy.”

  “I already know how to make tea,” I say. “And I wish you’d stop calling me that.”

  “You really were the Chosen One,” Penny says. “You were chosen to end the World of Mages. Just because you failed doesn’t mean you weren’t chosen.”

  “The whole prophecy is bollocks,” I say. “‘And one will come to end us. And one will bring his fall.’ Did I also bring my own fall?”

  “No,” Baz says. “That was me. Obviously.”

  “How did you bring my fall? I stopped the Humdrum myself.”

  Baz looks back at his phone, bored. “Fell in love, didn’t you?”

  Penny groans, and Baz starts laughing, trying not to crack a smile.

  “Enough flirting!” Penny says, flopping down into a stuffed chair her parents gave us. (Which I carried up by myself.) “I’ve endured enough flirting for this lifetime. I’m hungry, Simon. Find the biscuit box.”

  Baz grins, then leans over and kisses my neck. (I have a mole there; he treats it like a target.)

  “Go on, then,” he says. “Carry on, Simon.”

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Joy DeLyria and I have never met in person or talked on the phone, and sometimes we go months without e-mailing. But every time I was feeling desperately lost and stuck with this book, she’d send me an e-mail, asking, “How is Simon?”

  And every time, she helped me get unstuck.

  Thank you, Joy, for rooting so passionately for these characters, and for being so generous with your good advice.

  Thank you, too, to Leigh Bardugo and David Levithan for being good friends and good readers. (Even if one of you was so tough, you made me cry.) (It was Leigh.)

  And thank you to Susie Day for really listening to all this dialogue and talking to me about it. And to Keris Stainton, who answered countless questions about British life. If these characters sound American—or worse—it’s despite their patience.

  Thank you to my husband, Kai, for his love and encouragement, and for never running out of clichés.

  To Christopher Schelling, who insisted on a higher body count.

  To Sara Goodman, who has given me such freedom as an author and so much support as a friend.

  And to the wonderful people at St. Martin’s Press, who keep surprising me with their creativity and enthusiasm.

  Finally—thank you to Nicola Barr, Rachel Petty, and everyone at Macmillan Children’s Books, for making me feel so welcome in the UK and for making such gorgeous books.

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  If you’ve read my book Fangirl, you know that Simon Snow began as a fictional character in that novel.

  A fictional-fictional character. Kind of an amalgam and descendant of a hundred other fictional Chosen Ones.

  In Fangirl, Simon is the hero of a series of children’s adventure novels written by Gemma T. Leslie—and the subject of much fanfiction written by the main character, Cath.

  When I finished that book, I was able to let go of Cath and her boyfriend, Levi, and their world. I felt like I was finished with their story.…

  But I couldn’t let go of Simon.

  I’d written so much about him through these other voices, and I kept thinking about what I’d do with him if he were in my story, instead of Cath’s or Gemma’s.

  What would I do with Simon Snow?

  What would I do with Baz? And Agatha? And Penny?

  I’ve read and loved so many magical Chosen One stories—how would I write my own?

  That’s what Carry On is.

  It’s my take on a character I couldn’t get out of my head. It’s my take on this kind of character, and this kind of journey.

  It was a way for me to give Simon and Baz, only half-imagined in Fangirl, the story I felt I owed them.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  RAINBOW ROWELL lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and two sons. She’s also the author of Landline, Fangirl, Eleanor & Park, and Attachments. Visit her Web site at www.rainbowrowell.com. Or sign up for email updates here.

  ALSO BY

  RAINBOW ROWELL

  LANDLINE

  FANGIRL

  ELEANOR & PARK

  ATTACHMENTS

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  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Book One

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Book Two

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Book Three

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Book Four

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

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sp; Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Chapter 82

  Chapter 83

  Chapter 84

  Chapter 85

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Author’s Note

  Map

  About the Author

  Also by Rainbow Rowell

  Copyright

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  CARRY ON. Copyright © 2015 by Rainbow Rowell. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.stmartins.com

  Cover design and illustrations by Olga Grlic

  Interior illustrations by Jim Tierney

  The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  ISBN 978-1-250-04955-1 (hardcover)

  ISBN 978-1-4668-5054-5 (e-book)

  e-ISBN 9781466850545

  Our e-books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at [email protected].

  First Edition: October 2015